ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm jealous of your bromance
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
