Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i now understand why vodka
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize