Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
