he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize