WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
