She announced her abortion via fbk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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