He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We smell like vodka and hangover
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