check it out our google latitudes are spooning
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
