you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
