Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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