Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
