It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Two words: nipple clamps
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