When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
