We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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