i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
