I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
