I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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