i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
