oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
