Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
