Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
