i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was like eating out sand paper
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
