I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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