Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
