if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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