I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
