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At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
