Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
