oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
