Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
