Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
