a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
