What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
