I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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