I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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