Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
