A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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