So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
