Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
that is very illegal...i love you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
