I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
