Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
