The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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