he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
