ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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