one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
