If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
