if you like me you must not know who I am
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
