I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this just has baby written all over it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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