seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
