I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize