Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
