And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
