I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
