Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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