I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
