Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
