yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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