i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
