I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found puke in my bra..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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