tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
