My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
