he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
