hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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