I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
