This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there was a trapeze. enough said
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's always time for handjobs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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