i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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