i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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