Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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