I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
