Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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