All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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