your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
