I want to stick my p in your. b.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
