Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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